my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Randomize
