Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
