i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
