I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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