hell yes lets make some ravioli
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Randomize
