i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
