she woke up with a sticky ear
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
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