a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
