Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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