Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
