you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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