So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Pants are for mortals
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
