At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
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