its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
