He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Who died my cat blue again?
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
