His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
