happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
