my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
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