How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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