I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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