I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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