Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Randomize
