someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
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Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
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If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
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