can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
