make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
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