so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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