Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
