First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
