i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
