sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Randomize