rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
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