My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
