Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
