Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
