Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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