I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize