Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
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