We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize