I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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