at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
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