Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
