Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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