I am puke
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
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