i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
