i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
