U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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