You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
