This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Randomize
