never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
