I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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