Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
He felt like a one man threesome
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
