when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
