Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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