I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
