I'm lost and stupid without you.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Randomize
