I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Randomize
