So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Randomize
