She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
