doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
