I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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