Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Randomize
