yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize